Meeting of Minds . . .

Hey all you bloggers out there . . . it's me! Well here it is almost midnight and as usual my mind is racing a million miles a minute. It's contents filled with nothing and everything all at the same time. It's times like this when I almost feel like I am being two different people but at the same time. It's almost as if i'm afraid to say or show what I'm thinking on the inside so my outside is just left in a blank fixated state. I'm not going to get into to much detail but let's just say that I've spent the last couple of months in the company of someone who is pretty amazing. Grant it that 99.95% of this contact was via text and the other 1.05% was spent in quality face to face time . . . It's still left an impression on me. However it's not up to me . . . because if it were I'm sure that this would end very differently. This is usually the stage when Mr. Amazing uses the "You know you are a great friend." . . . Blah. I'm trying really hard NOT to read so much into this and just let it play one day at a time but I am so afraid of landing right back on square one again with just another bruise and another disappointment to show for it. Why does life have to be so flipping complicated? Just once I would like to know exactly what my life is going to look like, where I'm going to be, what i'm going to have. But no. I guess that's asking way to much. I suppose that's kinda the point though . . . supposed to be on faith. I think that even if I had any left it wouldn't turn out the way that I hope that it would. Maybe I should just face the fact that I am the "just friends" girl . . . I have tried and I have failed (multiple times) and sure I put on a great act that it doesn't bug me. Gotta love my sense of humor defense mechanism but then certain observant people point out that i'm using it and it just feels like the cut is getting deeper. I don't know what else to do . . . I guess this just means time to move on and get busy with school so I have another distraction to deal with for the next 2 to 5 years. After that I honestly have no clue. I'm getting so tired of running but I fear that is all I will be able to do for the rest of my life. The question is though what am I running from? My fears or my self? I guess I'll never know. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Nothing new in November

Well all you bloggers and blog readers out there, I can't believe that it's already November. This year has just seemed to have fly by and as usual I have nothing majorly impressive to show for it. I'm still in the process of preparing for grad school and holy hannah that is a process that I will be so excited when it is all over and I know exactly what I'm going to be doing next year or where I will be. That's what I hate the most, waiting . . . not knowing . . . oh well, as is life I suppose. Better get going, back to my sad little lonely life of doing grad school research. I ask you . . . who wouldn't want to be me? Well until next time . . . keep it real!

Reconnecting old connections

So over the past several weeks I have been given an opportunity to reconnect with my cousin Jason. He is technically my second oldest cousin, he's 41 but we are able to get along with each other so well. Sometimes when I talk to him I completely forget the age gap between us. He was able to come down and help out with harvest for the last little bit and I had almost forgot how much fun he is to be around. Unfortunately he was not able to stay long because he had to go back to work (he's a brand inspector) but we were able to continue to reconnect via text. He is so supportive and of course so funny. He always knows what to say to make me laugh. I'm so grateful that I have someone as great as Jason in my family. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Fresh Viewpoint

So with everything that's been happening in the last several months I have decided that some things with me really need to change. I don't even know where to begin. I just know that there are some aspects in my life that could really be improved. Overall I can really improve on being a better person. I would like to be able to be more selfless and kind. Sometimes I can be so selfish and insensitive towards others. I would like to really just pull a 360 and turn my life around. I'm not very dedicated in a lot of the things I do. I would like to become some one that people can look up to. There are so many people in my life that lead such a great example for me. I wish so much that I could more like them. My cousin Collette is one such example. Her faith is so strong that I marvel at her strength. Especially with all that's been happening in the past week. I'm not sure how to start but I know that some things . . . ok a lot of things . . . really need to change. This might be the push I need to get in the right direction with the rest of my life. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Another tough run . . .

Here we go again. It's been 6 months since Grandma Mecham has passed away and I thought that we were finally going to be going toward the upside. I was wrong. On Sunday, September 18th my cousin Clint J. Mecham was killed in a car accident. I'm still in such a fog. My cousin Katie (Clint's sister) described it best: it's almost as if I'm on auto pilot. I have no feeling, I just exist. Clint was 23 . . . he had just turned 23. It's not fair all of the things that he will never have a chance to do. He had so much more to live for.

My biggest problem with loss is the fact that I analyze everything to much. My head is constantly looking for a reason. A why. A how. My head tells me that I will never understand Heavenly Father's plan for all of us, but my heart tells me that i'm not meant to. It's a constant battle between who I listen to.

Clint was such a great person and I am so grateful that he was chosen to be a part of my family. He had such a unique personality that made him so fun to be with. He was always so full of adventure. He loved to laugh and play. He was a great son, brother, cousin and friend. It's sad that he will never have a chance to live up to his potential but I am so glad that he is happy and healthy and with Grandma and Grandpa Mecham and his nieces and nephews up in the best place he could ever be. I'm grateful for the knowledge I have that families are forever. This life is not the end and I will see all those I love again.

Clint: I love you so much and i'll always miss you. Thank you for influencing my life in a way that only you could. I don't know what kind of person I would be if I were not blessed to have you in my life. I know that when my time comes, you will be on the other side waiting for all of us. What a joy that day of reunion will be. In the mean time, take care of our family on the other side for us. Take care of yourself. I love you buddy!

Until next time . . . keep it real!

September . . . seriously?!

Ok folks, let's spend a few seconds of catch up. Let's see here. . . August 30th was my baby brother's 18th birthday and also the day I took the GRE. I did better than expected but alas not quite as well as I need to. I will be retaking the GRE (for full price of $160. . . YUCK!) sometime in December. The date is TBA. So far the month of September has flown by.

Last week I started another dance season at Rhythm n' Sole except this time I am on the advanced Hip hop team. We've only met once so far, but so far so good. The Blackfoot fair just finished yesterday and I worked 2 shifts at the Mary Kay booth and got some great leads and several orders.

Today is the 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. On TV all they are showing is documentaries and interviews and everything to reflect that dark day in American History. I can't believe that after 10 years I can still remember exactly where I was when I found out. I had walked into the school moments after the first plane hit, I watched the second plane hit live on TV. Classrooms were filled with silence as people watched in shock, fear, loss and anger. I don't live in New York, I didn't lose anyone in the attacks. However my heart still goes out to those who did, to those who didn't know if they did and to the hero's that risked their lives to save strangers. God Bless America!

Until next time . . . keep it real!

Jammin' July

Hey it's me again . . . big shock. So today is a fun day for me, it's my 24th birthday and as usual I don't feel any older or wiser. Bummer. So far the day has been spent going to a blessing for my cousin's baby and sitting at home eating Chinese food and watching a movie. Fireworks will commence in approximately 3 hours. This brings us the current moment. Deciding what to do between time. I was able however to spend most of the day with my cousin Amber yesterday and it was a blast. First we cleaned my Grandma's windows (not fun but really needed since she is still in the hospital) Then we went up to I.F and went shopping and went to Olive Garden for dinner. When we got back home, even though it was late we decided to finish watching Avatar. It was the first time I'd seen it and actually it was pretty good. It almost reminds me of an adult version of that movie/cartoon "Ferngully". I don't have to work tomorrow so maybe I will kill time making some jewelry to add to the auction for the family reunion. I won't be there this year which is weird but it gives me something to do that is not what I do every week. That can be saved for tomorrow. Oh wells . . . happy 4th of July everyone! Until next time . . . keep it real!

Joy in June

So June is officially underway and has nothing major on the horizon for me. Summer has officially begun and I was able to change my schedule at work so I can have more afternoon and evenings available. This will leave me more time to work on my Mary Kay. I only have 7 weeks until Mary Kay Seminar in August for Mary Kay and I'm really excited about it.

On a grimmer note, I have officially signed up for the GRE on August 30th. The crappy part (aside from all the studying I will be doing for the next three months) is the fact that the test is at 8 a.m, I have to be at the test center at 7:30 and it's in Pocky which means I have to be leaving here at like 6:45 . . . blah. Plus the test is like 4 hours long, so I better get a good score the first time. I was lucky enough to sign up for the first revision of the GRE so it only cost $80, but if I have to take it again . . . $160 yuck.

Well folks, that's about all I got to say for now. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Manic May . . .

I can't believe that it's mid May already. Holy Crow! So just to catch up on things goings on . . . I had a dance competition on the 7th of this month at Lagoon, We performed two dances that day and placed 1st on both! Keep in mind that Lagoon was a NATIONAL competition, so it was kinda fun. We have one final recital this upcoming Saturday and then I will have my Wednesday evenings back. I'm still keeping busy with work, zumba, dance and Mary Kay. My baby brother is graduating high school in a couple weeks, YIKES!!! Then to wrap up this month, Dad's birthday is the 27th and I have to figure out what to get him. Wish me luck so I can make it through the rest of the month. Once summer gets here, my work schedule will be much better. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Broken Hearted Little Girl . . .

Yesterday, March 12, 2011 was a very dark day in my life. My Grandma Mecham passed away. I'm still dealing with mixed emotions ranging from depression to lost in the reality of it. It just happened so unexpectedly but we were all waiting for this and praying that this day would never come. It just feels like my world should not exist without Grandma here. She was the best person that I have ever known. She always encouraged me to do what ever I wanted to do and be who ever I wanted to be. As she lived her incredible life I don't think that she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her. Now I will never have a chance to tell her. If I were to reach one goal in my life I would love to be at least half of the amazing lady that she was. I love her more than anything, and I'll always miss her. I love you Grandma, I'll see you again someday! Until next time. . . keep it real!

The fall of an empire . . .

So in case not everyone has heard the bad news by now, Borders Inc. has officially filed for bankruptcy. With this knowledge hundreds of Borders books, music and cafe around the world are closing their doors. On this list is a store that I have grown to love and refer to it as my second home. Borders in Logan, Utah: Store number 553 is a store that I spent every single day at for three years of my life. Although I have not worked there for a little over a year now, I still feel the sadness that previous co-workers are going through. I still feel connected to each one and I hope that they are able to find jobs quickly. I have many friends (though the one's who work there I have always referred to them as my borders family) that are directly effected by this tragedy. There are far to many people to name them all, but for all the staff both past and present . . . God bless you in this time of grief. It has been an honor working with you all. Even though Borders may be gone, we are still family. I will alway remember the wonderful memories and friends that I have made in a small bookstore on main street in the tiny town of Logan, Utah. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Flippin' February . . .

Well as usual dear blogging world, nothing much has happened so far this month. I am still trying to research graduate school and save up for the GRE's. . . Not much studying being done however. I really do need to be better at that. My life is still stuck in a circle, I do the same thing day in and day out. Getting really bored of it too. SO I have been unsuccessful at leaving my rut but I am still trying. I do keep my self pretty busy though between work, dance, zumba and Mary Kay it seems that I am hardly ever home. I spend more time in my car then anywhere else. My family is going to take a "vacation" next weekend and head up to the Cabin in Island Park. Hopefully it will be funner than last year. Last year was filled with WAY to much drama for me. So keep your fingers crossed that all will go off without a hitch. Perhaps if Uncle Dale is nice enough he will let Logan borrow his extra pickup shell so we can bring the dogs with us! I will keep you posted on how the whole trip goes. Until next time . . . keep it real!

Zumba Craze!

I know that this post is a little behind schedule, but when do I ever post ANYTHING on schedule? I decided that even though this is not a life changing kind of thing, it is still something that I can share with those of you who are interested in the goings on in my life (and even those who are not). So the first time that I went to this Zumba thing (for those of you who have no clue what zumba is, it's kind of like latin style dance meets hip hop dance for a totally fun work out) was probably 7 or 8 weeks ago. Amber got me hooked on it, I'll admit I only go once a week because it's hard because of work and other meetings with Mary Kay to go the other days. But oh man it is so much fun, I love it. In fact I am seriously considering ordering the video set and the wii game of zumba so I can do it more often. If you have not tried zumba, you have to do it! Go to zumba.com to find out classes in your area! Until next time . . . keep it real!

Another New Year . . .

Well 2010 has closed it's doors and 2011 has started. As it always seems in my life, So far in the month of January nothing seems to be different. I work, sell Mary Kay and come home. Once at home I usually sit around watching tv, movies or reading a book. I fall asleep and wake up the next day only to do the exact . . . same . . . thing. I'm really tired of being in this rut of boredom but I'm not sure how to get back out. It's hard for me because 99% of my friends are all out of state which makes visiting almost impossible. The other 1% seem unattached, to much time has passed between all the times we would spend together and now we seem distant. Sigh. Hopefully I will get out of this rut and change my life for the better in 2011. I will be working on going to grad school (so keep your fingers crossed that I get in somewhere) and preparing to start another adventure (hopefully) soon. Until next time . . . keep it real!